So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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