so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
