and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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