Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
