There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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