I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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