absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
