I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
