You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
farters have to be the big spoon...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
