I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
