Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
