Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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