I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
