Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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