Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
