Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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