why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize