I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
time to smoke my breakfast
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
