Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pants are for mortals
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