how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
