best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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