You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just had sex bonerless
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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