how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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