that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
