3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
