i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
