having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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