I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
