im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We are all done wearing pants today
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
