i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
