just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
