i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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