who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
