you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize