so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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