Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
