just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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