Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
