so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
