Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
