My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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