The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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