between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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