I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
