i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
