You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize