I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my shit smells like andre
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
