i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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