i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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