i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize