I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They have beer where we have blood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
