I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
