Porn is love you can see.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
