Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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