did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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