You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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