Just took my morning after pill in the library
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
