Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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