I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
