ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
