i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
