i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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