I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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