He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't make out with my wife yet
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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