Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
