Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
