Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
