If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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