the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
