they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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