I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
