32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
