If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
