I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
