And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
