Cold hands, warm shart.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
