I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize