If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
