Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
