Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
