your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
