That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My vagina is officially offended.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
