Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
