I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
