He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
