you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize