she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
