So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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