No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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