the condom got lost in my hair
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
