I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
