Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
