Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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