11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize