Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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