But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In America we eat man semen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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