Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
