i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
