he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize