Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a beard to bite.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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