Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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