In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
