We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
