when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i love accidental penises.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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