Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
