I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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