are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
