Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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