The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
