if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
