Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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